The Terrible 11: What Men Really Think When These Topics Come Up

In order to improve the relationship between men and women today, we must have an honest and open conversation.   The problem is that both sexes are scared to be honest with their feelings.  We’re going to end that today.

While men and women are not monolithic (meaning we do not act, feel or think the same way) This list is a combination of my experience as a man mixed with conversations about these issues with other men.

Fellas, feel free to add to the list.  Ladies, feel free to respond.

And before we hear from the peanut gallery about “where is our list for the ladies about the things guys do.”  It’s coming next week.

(Warning: If you are sensitive and/or easily offended. Please read another blog.  This one is not for you.)

11) You don’t listen:

You’re right.  There are some things we aren’t going to listen to. Oh sure we’ll nod our head and say “ok baby” and “whaaatttt”—but we’re paying it no mind. We don’t care about the girl at work who is sleeping with the boss or your girlfriend’s experience with her new beautician. There are some conversations that should be reserved  for your girlfriends.  Now if it’s an issue between us, make sure you actually say what the issue is about. When you say “nothing,” we are ready to move on.  We can’t read your mind. Unless you convey the issue of discontentment, we don’t know it exists. How can we solve it?

10) Why do you have to be with your boys?

A man needs the balance of man time doing man things and space away from his woman.  Just because you are in a committed relationship, does not mean you throw away lifelong friendships your boys.  A secure woman would never ask you to do such. Just as a man should understand Monique and Michelle’s role in your life, so should a woman grasp John and Keith’s role in our lives.

9) My mom said….

The height of hypocrisy is how some women take men to task for being mama’s boys while they go along with whatever their mother’s say. I don’t get it.  Of course we understand mother and daughter is a sacred bond.  Any man in his right mind would want to impress your mother and father, especially if the relationship is serious. But it’s unfair to your man, ladies, to dump every relationship problem to your mother. It paints an unfair caricature of us to your parents and it makes you look as if you cannot handle your own problems. Nothing good comes from this, particularly if you have a mother who doesn’t know when to butt-out.

8)  All men are dogs:

You mean all the men you dated are dogs.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Tell us, how have you changed your dating habits to avoid the “dogs” in your life?  You knew he was crap when you gave him your number.

Let us also note that there’s are a bunch of beautiful, well-rounded and supportive women around, so brothers, step your game up and find one!

7) She’s not all that:

Why do women downgrade other women?  Women seemingly are always in competition with each other. You have whole crews of women(that barely like each other to begin with) who do nothing but sit at the club, drink martinis and make comments about what other ladies have on.  Ladies, because another woman in your vicinity looks nice, it doesn’t diminish how you look. Women would rather walk on nails than to give another woman a compliment. It’s a habit most men wish women would break.

6) Do I look right in this?

If you have to ask someone if you “look right” in an outfit, you already know the answer.  If we tell you “it’s right” and then you walk by a mirror or see yourself later in a photo, you will be mad and blame us for your poor fashion decision.   If we tell you “it’s not right,” our evening is ruined because will blow it out of proportion and make it seem as if we don’t find you attractive at all. We’re damned if we do—damned if we don’t.

5) Do you miss me?

This is important.  This question easily could have been in the “Top 3.” At this point the brothers are thinking, “Holmes, shut the hell up.”  You know I tell my girl I miss her after she leaves the house for 10 minutes to run to CVS.  I do not want her having an attitude or starting an argument because I really didn’t miss her while she was gone.

Here’s the truth.  When you are going out to perform a normal daily function, such as going to work, school, running errands, etc… we already have it programmed in our heads that you’re gone and are focused on what work and errands we have to do. So no, we don’t miss you.  Please don’t mistake the lack of missing you for us not loving you.  It’s just that we know you have to go to work. Now if you were gone for a weekend or a month things would be different. It’s an awkward question that doesn’t need to be asked.

4) I need a man with a college education and a degree:

Education is very important.  We encourage people to pursue their educational goals, but it’s time for a reality check.  Usually when a woman says she wants a man with a degree, that’s code for she doesn’t want a “blue collar” man.  Truth be told, men who are bus drivers, electricians and sanitation workers make more money than many with B.A, B.S and M.S degrees. There are plenty of good men with blue-collar jobs. Open your eyes.

3)  I want a Christian man:

Some women are very sincere in their desire to date and marry a Christian man.  You can tell by the way she carries herself and the type of men she attracts. Others, just say they want a Christian man out of reflex or because it sounds good. I’ll let you decide what category fits your life.

2) I’m going to raise my son to be the perfect gentleman:

Translation: “Since men are all dogs, it’s my job as a woman to make sure my son doesn’t grow-up to be like his daddy.”

Not only is this attitude dangerous, it’s the height of arrogance. You are not a man so it’s impossible for you to teach a boy how to be a man. Encourage your son to have a relationship with his father. If that’s not possible, make sure he in a program where positive male role models are prominent.

This behavior is also highly dangerous to display in front of your daughters.  They will grow up believing all men are bad and will eventually take out their anger on a man who is genuine and sincere about being in their life.  Need proof? Some of you just have to look in the mirror.

1) I know I’m a good woman

A truly “good woman” never has to say a word. Her actions speak volumes  for her.  We can tell by the way she treats others. We know she’s good because she makes her man want to do better. When a lady says that she’s “a good woman,” we wonder if she’s trying to convince us or herself?